right. blog. oops.
so yeah, i wrote a blog... posted a few things and then saw something shiny and crossed the street. fortunately my mother found me and now i'm back at it. blogging that is. not running across the street to chase shiny things. cause that would be dangerous.
anyway...
so i was in boston and now i'm not. that happened quite quickly. as a result of my quick "here to there to back to here again" trip, i have some advice... in no particular order because i'm blonde and that is WAY too complex for me:
* there are in fact wild turkeys in brookline, MA
* lead poisoning is bad for you
* some homes have lead lined paint
* (ok, i might be blonde, but if you can't figure out what the following point is, then you should try some artificial intelligence: like reading stephen hawking... or maybe just baby step through it and dye your hair brown... or dirty blonde...)
* boston ERs sometimes suck.
* ERs are meant to drive sane people insane
* ERs are very good at their jobs
* i am not currently living in a previously lead painted house
* i am not a zombie
***** are you really still reading? wow. ok. just for that i'll give you something that could be considered actual advice:
* if you are ever driving in MA, make sure you do not call or text on a smart phone. the police will bust you like an over inflated balloon. FACT.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Things of a terrifically disturbing or otherwise perplexing nature...
1. you can order "human centipede" on OnDemand. don't google it. don't check the trailer. just avoid it at all costs if you ever want to sleep soundly ever again.
no, but seriously. just don't. i know this makes you want to, because a faceless voice over the internet is telling you not to, but this isn't one of those times where "don't" means "you totally should!" this is a case where "don't" means "no really, don't do it. seriously."
again, don't. really. your future self on an alternate dimensional timeline thanks you. because they didn't listen and watched it and now they will never sleep ever again. but it's ok because they are comforted by the fact that the you in this reality listened.
...
that's it. it's number one out of one for a reason.
no, but seriously. just don't. i know this makes you want to, because a faceless voice over the internet is telling you not to, but this isn't one of those times where "don't" means "you totally should!" this is a case where "don't" means "no really, don't do it. seriously."
again, don't. really. your future self on an alternate dimensional timeline thanks you. because they didn't listen and watched it and now they will never sleep ever again. but it's ok because they are comforted by the fact that the you in this reality listened.
...
that's it. it's number one out of one for a reason.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
wild turkeys run amuck!
ok, so my least favorite question these past few months has been "so what job made you move to boston?" because the answer is "i have not yet found employment, and the reason for moving to boston is a long and personal story.
so
i've figured out a way of getting around this question that i loathe: i will now simply reply "because of the wild turkeys." and leave it at that.
factually, it is true: there are wild turkeys in brookline. and i think it will leave the questioner befuddled enough for me to have to answer anymore employment related questions.
done and done.
wild turkeys. fantastic.
so
i've figured out a way of getting around this question that i loathe: i will now simply reply "because of the wild turkeys." and leave it at that.
factually, it is true: there are wild turkeys in brookline. and i think it will leave the questioner befuddled enough for me to have to answer anymore employment related questions.
done and done.
wild turkeys. fantastic.
Friday, August 27, 2010
exotic scented tampons are disorienting
no. that's it. no clever blog. just thought i'd say it because i do NOT like feeling geographically confused while i am in the midst of a flood, of sorts. they really should label those things more clearly. honestly. i can't tell if i'm in the tropics (why that would be comforting on any level is beyond me), or if i picked up the wrong box again. i'm looking at you tampax!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
why does my TV have a DUI?
i think it's all too obvious at this point that i am not a huge fan of technology... unless it suits my needs.
well my mother is. a techno lover that is. she is not the unpredictable techno fan that i have become (yes, sometimes to recover from technology i have to sit in a corner and rock myself back and forth while clutching my typewriter.) i like my books to kill trees (although i do have a nook, largely to stay in touch with my mother since we're not in the same city), i like my phones to send and receive calls and texts, and my day planner is made of paper or sometimes my hand... no, not like sarah palin style, she stole the idea from me. let's get this straight now. i was spacey WAY before her.
anyway, my mom, being the technology lover that she is, wanted to get a super awesome new TV for the apartment. now, i like TV. i'm moderately addicted to it and would love to write for a show some day... but only if they bring back Murder She Wrote or anything joss whedon writes (yes i know he wasn't responsible for that one.) anyway, knowing that i love to escape into the world of TV shows (not reality) quite often when i'm sick or bored or really any excuse at all, she picked out a particularly shiny new TV... it's a sony, and you only need two remotes for it... which is pretty impressive in itself. however, in addition to having HD and lots of bells and whistles... it has wireless capabilities. yes, that means if you have a Netflix account, you can watch anything in your instant queue... well, instantly, on the small screen (which is still larger than my laptop.)
ok. so yes very cool. it also has a lot of other things/websites you can use with the exception of HULU, which is annoying. obviously someone decided that anyone who owns a TV would not want HULU so they made a deal with Netflix instead. that's far too confusing for this blogger.
point being: every time i turn my magical sony TV on, the box that usually blinks "12:00", now blinks "DUI" until it then changes to whatever channel you happen to be on.
now, i consider myself to be a fairly intelligent individual. i do, however, from time to time find myself having blonde moments. all i could think was "how on earth is my TV drunk and why/how is/was it driving?" ... did i mention i'm blonde? good. ok, so while "DUI" sometimes means "driving under the influence" it can also mean "downloading uploaded information." good to know. because i was all... wow, my sony has a serious problem. how does one have an intervention with one's television? i mean, it's clearly a cry for help when it's blinking DUI over and over again. if that isn't a 'HELP ME FORTHELOVEOFGOD" i don't know what is.
so yeah. my tv's sober. i think. but really sony, this particular choice in names ranks right on up there with the iPad. someone has been dropping the ball. i'm just saying.
well my mother is. a techno lover that is. she is not the unpredictable techno fan that i have become (yes, sometimes to recover from technology i have to sit in a corner and rock myself back and forth while clutching my typewriter.) i like my books to kill trees (although i do have a nook, largely to stay in touch with my mother since we're not in the same city), i like my phones to send and receive calls and texts, and my day planner is made of paper or sometimes my hand... no, not like sarah palin style, she stole the idea from me. let's get this straight now. i was spacey WAY before her.
anyway, my mom, being the technology lover that she is, wanted to get a super awesome new TV for the apartment. now, i like TV. i'm moderately addicted to it and would love to write for a show some day... but only if they bring back Murder She Wrote or anything joss whedon writes (yes i know he wasn't responsible for that one.) anyway, knowing that i love to escape into the world of TV shows (not reality) quite often when i'm sick or bored or really any excuse at all, she picked out a particularly shiny new TV... it's a sony, and you only need two remotes for it... which is pretty impressive in itself. however, in addition to having HD and lots of bells and whistles... it has wireless capabilities. yes, that means if you have a Netflix account, you can watch anything in your instant queue... well, instantly, on the small screen (which is still larger than my laptop.)
ok. so yes very cool. it also has a lot of other things/websites you can use with the exception of HULU, which is annoying. obviously someone decided that anyone who owns a TV would not want HULU so they made a deal with Netflix instead. that's far too confusing for this blogger.
point being: every time i turn my magical sony TV on, the box that usually blinks "12:00", now blinks "DUI" until it then changes to whatever channel you happen to be on.
now, i consider myself to be a fairly intelligent individual. i do, however, from time to time find myself having blonde moments. all i could think was "how on earth is my TV drunk and why/how is/was it driving?" ... did i mention i'm blonde? good. ok, so while "DUI" sometimes means "driving under the influence" it can also mean "downloading uploaded information." good to know. because i was all... wow, my sony has a serious problem. how does one have an intervention with one's television? i mean, it's clearly a cry for help when it's blinking DUI over and over again. if that isn't a 'HELP ME FORTHELOVEOFGOD" i don't know what is.
so yeah. my tv's sober. i think. but really sony, this particular choice in names ranks right on up there with the iPad. someone has been dropping the ball. i'm just saying.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
i'm a beamer... no, not like the car
so apparently i "beam." while waiting for a meetup that i managed to have a blonde moment and mess up the time/day/week a number of things happened with one commonality: everyone said "sorry, you just beam!"
thing of the first: a girl with a large amount of free health-conscious dog treats lost control of her cart and dumped two very large boxes worth of said dog-treat onto the bustling area near the T entrances between park and tremont. i saw impending doom since it was quite hot and very sunny and sadly, her outfit for the day was black (as per their logo) and realized she had about a couple hundred small packages to put back into the two boxes amidst tourists and business people running about. so i went over to help her. after a lot of thanking and apologizing for no reason since the cobbled roads are "wicked hard" to navigate with a cart, she looked up and said "wow. sorry, you just sort of beam." i wasn't really sure how to respond to this so i said "thanks?" and she then she went about her day passing out scientifically proven health conscious dog-treats. sadly, duke is not in boston and likes crackers, not health-conscious treats.
thing of the second: a man in yellow aka a buddhist monk (i'm guessing converted since he was quite germanic in appearance) was handing out buddhist papers and, obviously, sought me out. i said i was already well acquainted with buddhism and the Bagadavita, but thanked him anyway and said "namaste". he was a little taken aback that i knew the term namaste, not quite sure why. then he replied "i'm sorry, you just have this wonderful smile. it's sort of like you're beaming." i thanked him and decided i needed some caffeine.
thing of the third: i walk into a Dunkin Donuts across the street to get some iced caffeine and sit in the wonderful air-conditioning (it was getting a bit hot in the sun.) i look for a seat and realize that there's not a lot of seating with the exception of a table with 4 seats currently occupied by one man. i asked him if he minded if i sat down. his response? "as long as you promise not to bother me." this was said with a smile. anyway, we sat and drank our respective caffeinated drinks together in silence, he was nearly done by the time i sat down so he stands up, walks over to me and says "you could have bothered me and i wouldn't have minded" with a wink and then leaves. huh. weird. less than a minute later another man comes along, dressed in a suit and with a very strong Nigerian accent says "can i sit here?" and i replied "sure, i just asked another guy the same thing. it's a big enough table." he then leans over and says "can i ask you two more questions?" i'm looking at his zippered folder, sizing him up for crazy or not, decided not crazy, and replied "sure." he says "you are very beautiful." i said "that is not a question, but thank you." he laughs and then asks "do you know that you beam? i mean, really, you are lighting up this room. how are you doing that? or why?" i was a little taken aback and said "i'm not sure i understand the question... just so i'm clear, you're asking me how and why i 'beam'?" and he says "yes." and i said "i don't know. i get that a lot. i'm a beamer i guess."
so there you have it. beaming 101. i have no idea what people are talking about, but apparently this pale sweaty blonde girl beams. i'm thinking it's sweat. or my smile. not quite sure how my smile beams. but there you have it. i'm a beamer.
thing of the first: a girl with a large amount of free health-conscious dog treats lost control of her cart and dumped two very large boxes worth of said dog-treat onto the bustling area near the T entrances between park and tremont. i saw impending doom since it was quite hot and very sunny and sadly, her outfit for the day was black (as per their logo) and realized she had about a couple hundred small packages to put back into the two boxes amidst tourists and business people running about. so i went over to help her. after a lot of thanking and apologizing for no reason since the cobbled roads are "wicked hard" to navigate with a cart, she looked up and said "wow. sorry, you just sort of beam." i wasn't really sure how to respond to this so i said "thanks?" and she then she went about her day passing out scientifically proven health conscious dog-treats. sadly, duke is not in boston and likes crackers, not health-conscious treats.
thing of the second: a man in yellow aka a buddhist monk (i'm guessing converted since he was quite germanic in appearance) was handing out buddhist papers and, obviously, sought me out. i said i was already well acquainted with buddhism and the Bagadavita, but thanked him anyway and said "namaste". he was a little taken aback that i knew the term namaste, not quite sure why. then he replied "i'm sorry, you just have this wonderful smile. it's sort of like you're beaming." i thanked him and decided i needed some caffeine.
thing of the third: i walk into a Dunkin Donuts across the street to get some iced caffeine and sit in the wonderful air-conditioning (it was getting a bit hot in the sun.) i look for a seat and realize that there's not a lot of seating with the exception of a table with 4 seats currently occupied by one man. i asked him if he minded if i sat down. his response? "as long as you promise not to bother me." this was said with a smile. anyway, we sat and drank our respective caffeinated drinks together in silence, he was nearly done by the time i sat down so he stands up, walks over to me and says "you could have bothered me and i wouldn't have minded" with a wink and then leaves. huh. weird. less than a minute later another man comes along, dressed in a suit and with a very strong Nigerian accent says "can i sit here?" and i replied "sure, i just asked another guy the same thing. it's a big enough table." he then leans over and says "can i ask you two more questions?" i'm looking at his zippered folder, sizing him up for crazy or not, decided not crazy, and replied "sure." he says "you are very beautiful." i said "that is not a question, but thank you." he laughs and then asks "do you know that you beam? i mean, really, you are lighting up this room. how are you doing that? or why?" i was a little taken aback and said "i'm not sure i understand the question... just so i'm clear, you're asking me how and why i 'beam'?" and he says "yes." and i said "i don't know. i get that a lot. i'm a beamer i guess."
so there you have it. beaming 101. i have no idea what people are talking about, but apparently this pale sweaty blonde girl beams. i'm thinking it's sweat. or my smile. not quite sure how my smile beams. but there you have it. i'm a beamer.
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Life of Carefully Contained Chaos: CA : cleaners anonymous
A Life of Carefully Contained Chaos: CA : cleaners anonymous: "ok i have a problem. and i'm willing to admit it: i'm addicted to cleaning. there. i said it. ok, that's not really true. i like things to..."
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