it's finally here! the fantastic, the charming, the mort blog!

so it's finally here!

i know, i know, calm yourselves first. have a cup of soothing tea or decaff coffee, 

sit back, relax, and just let me tell you the story of the three wise men.

no, no, no! not those guys!

theses guys:

 (from left to right, mort, leo the lion with his happy face, and ted.)

(from left to right, mort, leo the lion with his happy face, and ted.)

so i suppose i should start at the beginning, but they wore off on me, and i forgot how this kinship began (anyone who actually knows me well, knows that's a blatant lie.) these 3 hangout at my (it's the closest and and my favorite B & N to my house and i know almost every employee there by name and likewise, seriously) barnes and noble cafe all the time. we just missed each other (i generally come in and out as i please... especially in this hot as hades weather. it's entirely possibly the bennett family is single-handedly keeping that particular barnes and noble in business... with some help from other customers, but mostly the bennetts... well the cass women. but i digress, as usual (look! i'm my own peanut gallery!) 

one day, i come across these three troublemakers (don't let their charm fool you, cunning bunch this lot), and mort said i was a beautiful young lady (well, they all said that and i was sold) and asked if i know how to dance (he was once a fantastic dance instructor.) i replied, "nope, but i'm willing to learn if you'll teach me." i was a little worried about his heart... because ted said "watch your heart condition mort! that one looks like a killer!" 

now at this point how could i refuse? 

so he said "have you heard of the Argentinian tango?" 

my response: "yes, but i'm a terrible partner dancer. i just never learned."

for those at you at home going "really hillary, after the last post, REALLY?" so to calm your doubts about being a dirty old man (they've become fairly protective and are wonderful conversationalists, so what's a little groping between complete strangers? right? guys? anyway, the Argentinian tango is chest to chest, and very intimate. i warned him i have two left feet when it comes to actual partner dancing, so he did a 5 minute dance lesson our first time, and every time after that. 

believe me when i say: everyone got their smart phone and were taking pictures because it was quite a site. 

i asked mort (furst, mind you, we've grown very close) if he and his friends would do me the honor of taking a picture with me. 

our normal discussion (to join the club i had to tell a dirty joke or two, but i have a few tricks up my sleeve... as i'm sure the lot of them do as well).

here we are, can you feel that spark through the computer? scorpio, gotta watch out for us :)

anyway, we exchanged cell numbers so when he's healthy enough he's taking me dancing.

just one little itty bitty problem: i am not a dancer, and consequently do not own dancing shoes. 

i'll figure it out. (he's already one of the main characters in my murder mystery: good guy, obviously! ... whoops, should have said "spoilers."

and this is why ted thought mort might possibly go into cardiac arrest: 

we posed for a dancing picture!

in all fairness, mort was having the time of his life. good story to tell and pass along: if you want to get a girl 1.) be charming, 2.) be suave, 3.) ask her to dance and/or teach her. (there are a couple of other things, but loving women myself, i'm not giving away trade secrets ;)

as always, be kind to yourself, 

love yourself, 

and care for those around you.

and every time you're in the city (any city): look up! there is so much history and beauty and people. you're missing a lot by staring at the ground. 


also: BOTH captain hammer and captain mal like this again  (again totally not true.):

as for "tomorrow's blog on mort"... sorry for the tardiness ladies and gents, just a lot going on:

saving puppies and orphans from out of control drag races, trying to figure out how to inexpensively dress in a steampunk outfit (impossible, unless i know someone who can sew for super cheap), and waiting for my kooling kafkas to arrive so i can shoot some arrows again. i miss it. i know i'm losing my touch since it's been 15 years since i last shot an arrow, and i've only been able to shoot my recurve bow 6 times since i got it... first hunger games, then hawkeye (sorry Avengers, if you like comics, give hawkeye a chance!, also green arrow), and now brave (i love all of the above, but it took the cool nice weather from me! stupid weather. 

right, ending on a silly note:

 this is Dean from Supernatural (great show, btw), he will kick your ass if you don't read my blog.

this is Zoe from Firefly (Fantastic show, in case you were wondering, and you should), she'll just shoot you to back up the aforementioned Captain Mal (they're fictional, they can endorse.)

this is "echo" from "the dollhouse".... trust me, you really should listen to her and read the blog... just saying.

as promised.... SUPER HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!! with pics!!!

heroes are made,
by choices
by those fight or flight moments
whether you like it or not...

so here is a super hero...
his name... is Dylan, master shedder (no, not "shredder", "shedder", that's what goldens do.)
but i digress.
his powers are immense! he bites! he chews! he humps whatever and whomever he pleases, cause he's just that cool of a super hero (when they consent... ask me how many girlfriends he has at this point in time on his walks and when we have to put him in a luxury kennel!)
here he is, in all of his glory!

whoops, wrong one... he was still a biter, mind you.

ah. there we go. with his cape.. he is mighty!

but let's face it, all super heroes need a sidekick. well, that would be me...

that's right folks, i'm the sidekick... in my  downtime, i help dylan defeat evildoers by one of two ways: seducing them (i'm not picky, boy or girl, my powers are, well, powerful.)

and what is my second power (you ask, probably not really caring and just wanting to see more pictures of dylan), well, it is mind control: with my eyes! that's right, i can control you with my eyes. an amazon scorpio with magical eyes and a bitey dog... don't mess!

ah yes, the story, well, dylan defeated the cone of silence/shame without a bat of his eye. in case you forgot, this is what it looked like:

with dignity, no less!!!

ha HA.

anyway, while dylan was wearing his cape, he had a feeling...

it looked like this:

that is his "something is amiss look" (it also happens to be his "i have to go outside" look, but since he was wearing the cape, and had just chased some bunnies outside, i was pretty sure it was the former rather than the latter.)

and wouldn't you know it? there was danger a waiting!!!!

enter evil doers:

that's right folks, Under Dog's ego got the better of him, and he felt forgotten, and sad that his name would only live on in a fairly bad not too far back movie... and he had to be stopped. his broken ego caused him to run amuck! he was marking his territory every chance he got, biting every person who didn't recognize him, chewing up everything he could get his dejected paws on!

however, he soon realized his single rampage was not enough: he needed something to do further his rampage... but what?

a death ray? too obvious 

a freeze ray? been done.

time machine to then threaten the timeline continuum? not enough quantum mechanical experience.

dejected, angry, certain he needed to cause damage... but with what?

and that's when it hit him... not a what... but a WHOM!

"ah HA! i need a large brute....a partner!"

ENTER:

that's right folks, a flippin' gorilla! they are big, and smelly, and apparently also cartoons (to be fair, under dog has been out of the scene for a while, if you count that movie that happened, which i do not, and apparently, neither does under dog.)

unfortunately, my powers of scorpio seduction only worked on the gorilla... i believe his name was frank? bill? john? wade? no... i want to say it started with a "b"... something very non villain-esque. huh. darn it. i hate forgetting names... 

but i digress, i had the gorilla under control (i promised i'd call him after an awkward date full of bananas and playing donkey kong, which was hard enough to find), i had him rolled up in chains of justice in no time (after the date.) it was the ole "i'm a weak blond female, could you help me move this to my car because i am a girl and clearly helpless because of my gender and you've just shown your manly gorilla-ness by banging your chest in front of other alpha males" move. why do they fall for it? i'm 5' 9" (and a 1/4) for crying out loud! again, i digress.

Dylan the super dog and Under Dog... well, the under dog in this case, didn't stand a chance.

they fought. buildings were toppled, butts were sniffed, bites were bitten... BUT Under Dog forgot rule one of super heroes gone bad: never wear a non-removable cape! dylan bit in and wouldn't let go! it was epic! under dog was crying! i almost felt sorry... until i realized, he was upset that that particular cape, happened to be his only one... and man, those super capes are murder on the wallet at the dry cleaners (or so i've heard, i don't have a cape, so i wouldn't know, and dylan's is washable, so, there you are.)

mass destruction avoided.

chaos avoided.

butt sniffing... well that was just awkward.

BUT at the end of the day,

we went back to our not so hidden identities... since i used our real names... whoops.

 batman, robin, wonder woman, batwoman, green arrow, superman, super girl, hawkeye, black canary, batgirl, zatanna (well, that's a bad example, everyone knows who she is and that she's a magician, they just don't all know she's also a legit super hero, the rest, however, were perfectly good examples), hell EVERY actual super hero would be like "seriously?" whatever, we don't live in gotham, star city, or metropolis, or any other evildoer mecca, so i feel fairly secure in our lack of secret identity.

 at the end of the day, all was well in the world of the bennett household.

yes. all in all, we did well as crime fighters, you know, since they were cartoons. had it been cats? i would have run for the hills! zombies, no worries, i have a bow and arrow and i know how to use it (that's actually true.) meteor heading towards earth? no worries, call bruce willis. anything else? call president obama or the first lady, michelle obama, pretty sure they'd know what to do. or the myth busters. or harrison ford. he'd save the day AND make a movie out of it! alas, he has a woman. le sigh.

and that's all folks! 

be kind to one another.  

love, a wannabe super hero,

aka:

Sassy Cass

Capt Cass Harkness

Cassniss

(i'm not sure how to make "hillary" sound like "merida", "hawkeye", "green arrow", or "artemis", but never fear, i'm sure i'll find a way to butcher those as well.)
although the previous names are actually doug's fault.
so you can blame him.

hope you enjoyed this very silly story!

soon to come...

dylan: the super dog
(with great shedding comes great responsibility.)


and later today:
as promised A CELTIC SUPER HERO STORY!!! yay!!!!

the little girl who found her strength

but as you wait for said "awesomeness"

here's a little bit of fun for ya:

everything on this link, facebook, etc, is copyrighted, so no stealing. seriously. i have ninja monkeys that i can borrow from a friend... they mean business, monkey business, only, you know, with death and stuff.

so i figured this post will be all words.

ohmygod stop yelling at me!!! i know i know!!! no one can handle just writing.
and to that i say: SUCK IT UP!

i mean, i will take that into consideration.

this is a story,
call it a children's story if you will, but i call it a "story", because stories are stories, regardless of the intended audience.

so here we go:

The Little Girl who Found her Strength

once, not very long ago, 
there was a little girl
with a little voice
and a little personality
not to mention, very little courage.

she lived in the woods

with her family
and their pet tiger. 

(spoiler! this is a blatant PLUG for a good friend...this drawing is thanks to my very good friend, and partner in crime, doug... insert PLUG for DOUG here: http://douggiedoo.deviantart.com/ he's a very talented artist, check him out)

 

now, for years this little girl stared at the tiger, wanting it's strength, it's agility, it's, well it's freedom. 

so, tentatively, she went up to it and asked, as children often do:
"tiger dear, where do you get all this from? where does you strength and everything that makes you, well you?"

the tiger, chuckled (if you can imagine a tiger chuckling, it's quite silly really.)

but then the tiger thought. 

and thought

and thought some more. 

"well, i suppose  i get it from in here" he said as he pointed to his chest.

the little girl thought about that statement and was not at all happy with the answer. 

"what do you mean, 'in here'. where exactly is 'in here.'"

the tiger realized, he wasn't quite sure. he'd always been feared, always called agile, a hunter, and strong. i suppose it was then that he wasn't so sure of his answer.

"i think," said the tiger "that it comes from your heart, and not just a little from what people say of you. if you're called 'strong', well, then you're strong. if you're called 'agile', well, then you're agile, and so on."

"huh." said the little girl.  "so basically, it comes from what others say about you?"

the tiger realized his fault immediately and backtracked his words: "no! no, it has nothing to do with what other people say about you..."

"but you said..." the little girl was very impatient and not just a little bit confused.

"i know what i said, but tigers can be wrong. the right answer to your question is: you make yourself by choices, by, by, well, by listening to yourself for a good long while and then, i think you'll have your answer."

so the girl walked away, still confused, but with a bit more confidence. the tiger followed in her steps to protect her, like he had always done.

after a while of walking, the little girl stopped. 

as did the tiger. 

and as the little girl turned around, she said "tiger, go play today. i was thinking as we walked, and i realized, having you protect me, well it means i don't have to protect myself. i think i found what i was looking for."

the tiger, being quite proud of his advice, walked away and felt confident the little girl found her courage. coincidentally,  so did the little girl. 

the end. 

thank you all for reading or following or giving it a chance.

alright boys and girls....


get ready for the story of a lifetime!


being an intermediate archer myself, and having Brave out in theatres... well, i'm creating two awesome characters with celtic names that will be described... in the next blog (sometime tomorrow.)


expect ACTION, expect AWESOME, expect A BIT OF LITERARY NARRATIVE PROSE!!!




basically:

 plus

 equals

AWESOME

no worries, no fictional characters were harmed or copyrighted in the making of this blog

:)

oh yeah, it'll be epic.

change, fairy tales, and dragons! oh yes!!!

today i wanted to talk about change:


i've been scarred by it.


bits and pieces of me have been burned


salt has been placed on open wounds


in dark rooms where no one cares to hear your screaming,
they enjoy it.


those dark places we've all been to for whatever reason:


a broken heart: maybe you were broken, maybe you did the breaking.


a loss: maybe death, maybe someone left you when you were little and the world was very big.


maybe even pain, the physical or the emotionally, it's all the same.


in my instance, it's the physical, 13 years of it.


i joke about it, but even now, it hurts, it's an open wound and i'm scared to death someone will pour salt all over it.


i'm afraid of so many things.


most people are.


spiders, the dark (or more likely, what happens when you're alone and vulnerable), being alone, being stuck with someone, heights, small spaces, the water, fire, whatever your fear or fears may be, the important thing to remember, i think, is that it's important to be open to change.


that's something i'm afraid of. change for the good, not afraid of that. i'm afraid of the pain getting worse, of someone hurting the people i love just by being here. that kind of fear. the fear of existence.


and when it comes right down to it, that's when you need an escape.


i choose stories (books, comics, shows, movies, fairy tales, art, and especially music.)


i think stories are best told orally, i was raised that way.


i was read to, every night, by mom or dad, they switched because they're must have been exhausted, but they always found time to read to me.


my favorites? always the action ones stories, where the hero rides in and saves the damsel, only i pretended to be be the man, the hero...


cinderella needed a fairy godmother, a prince to take her away from it all.
snow white? she needed a prince to wake her up.
little red riding hood? she needed the huntsman to cut open the wolf's belly.
rapunzel needed someone to save her.
they all did.
there were no fairy tales (until now) where women saved the day.
i think i hated sleeping beauty the most: i wanted her to be able to wake herself up.


yes, all of these had morals to them, they are relative to their time and culture,


and yet, i still hate that she couldn't wake herself up.

                                                                                  

it was always those that made me the angriest. because i wanted to say "you! hey you! you're strong! wake up! you don't need him to do it for you! you can do it yourself!!! all you need to do is try, try and be strong for yourself, not for some prince! you have the strength within you!"


and that's, for me, what i've taken away from change and pain:


fight it


wake yourself up


we mostly (not always),
     but quite often: we have the choice of being the damsel, forever waiting....
or
    we can wake ourselves up, be our own heroes, slay our dragons and fight with swords and bows and arrows to get to the evil tower, defeat the dragon, and wake ourselves up!
fight for us!


we,
all of us,
we deserve that choice.




because this, is a fairy tale, in life, you get the choice to be the hero or the damsel.


and now for a silly little thing i like to call reality check on our damsel and hero:
he's coming to rescue her, she'll be saved, they'll live happily ever after... yay!

but in real life, the scenario would play out a little more like this:
her/ hero full of confidence and ... iron: prince's iron sheild and sword, so that's off to a great start, as least it isn't silver... oh wait, parts of the sheild are...


oh yes, and let's not forget sleeping beauty: waiting so long to be rescued by someone from the middle ages where romance was... well, it was not so much. or again, maybe there's just a cultural disconnect. anyway, by now, our damsel as either gone insane by the literal HELL around her, OR killed herself because of aforementioned literal HELL around her. either way... not so good when you break it down...

dougie d drew this for me for this site:

       a life of carefully contained chaos. i pretty much love it. and those boots and earrings and even the hair match perfectly. doug better not be a psychic. also: until i figure out how to permanently get this on the blog somewhere... here's a little picture of me, in the not so far future. 

(doug left out i'd clearly have something in my boot to cut me free. please. houdini's got nothing on me.