sometimes you just have to love dogs.
duke is our golden retriever
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
i like trains and OCD passengers
i've decided that i am very much in favor of trains.
you meet the most interesting people on them...
and by "interesting" i clearly mean "crazy."
which generally leads to great stories.
for example:
a few months ago i was on a train with an empty seat next to me
(i now understand an empty seat next to a young, blonde and smiley female leads to disaster... and hilarity which means a great story so i make sure there is always a seat next to me.)
as i'm happily sitting on the train, minding my own business and watching with awe as the train passes through various vegetation and bodies of water that i can't name because i have no sense of geography whatsoever, a very frail and fastidious male sits down next to me.
as someone with moderate (read: SEVERE) OCD, i recognize the symptoms in my new train partner as he carefully reaches into a very neat and organized briefcase and pulls out three cellophane wrapped parcels. i'm trying to be subtle in my observation which probably meant i was blatantly looking over at him with complete lack of shame and decorum.
fragile and carefully practiced hands begin unwrapping the three cellophane objects, which have been set in a line like tiny little edible soldiers. (NOTE: this site does not by any means condone cannibalism.) he goes from left to right revealing 1) a sandwich cut neatly into (what seem to be) 4 equilateral triangles; 2) a bevy of baby carrots (again, no cannibalism condoning); and 3) a clementine. he then starts to clean the clementine with disposable cleansing wipe, which he whips out of his pocket with all the gusto of a seasoned magician/snake-oil salesman.
this entire time i am doing my best to not laugh, but i really have little control over my face which is laughing quite loudly in my smile. as i attempt to contain my amusement and pretend to read my book he continues to pull out three dark chocolate hershey's kisses... again lining them up all in a row under the previous line of cellophane. clearly this main knows how to maintain aesthetic integrity while on a public train since the deep purple wrappers complement the clementines perfectly.
he then takes a quick look over at me, looking a bit like a bird in his swift angular movement, picks up one of the three purple kisses, and just as swiftly as a pick pocket, puts one in my open jacket pocket with a quick wink.
my first thought: SERIAL KILLER! clearly he has poisoned the kisses and has set a careful trap with all of his pretty OCD edible soldiers. and then i saw that he was waiting for me to eat it. i smiled. waiting for him to eat one first. he winked. and with the most brilliant alacrity, opened one of the 2 remaining deep purple kisses of (presumed) death, popped one in his mouth.
then i realized that statistically, it would be unlikely that i would be sitting next to a serial killer on a train. so, in an attempt to pretend i wasn't waiting for him to go first, i smiled, ate one, laughed out loud and thanked the marry poppins/mr. monk/possible serial killer and went back to my book.
he winked again and went back to pulling things out of his brief case, this time of the non-edible paper work variety, and organizing them accordingly. after he finished that he leaned over a bit, and said out of the corner of his mouth "i always bring along an extra chocolate in case i sit next to a girl with a beautiful smile." i smiled and thanked him as he winked again.
it took all of my self-restraint to NOT say "usually i bring along a small dose of arsenic in case i sit next to a man with a large carbon footprint." or something of the like. fortunately, my usually disabled verbal filter was working. so i simply smiled, thanked him, and got off at my stop.
you meet the most interesting people on them...
and by "interesting" i clearly mean "crazy."
which generally leads to great stories.
for example:
a few months ago i was on a train with an empty seat next to me
(i now understand an empty seat next to a young, blonde and smiley female leads to disaster... and hilarity which means a great story so i make sure there is always a seat next to me.)
as i'm happily sitting on the train, minding my own business and watching with awe as the train passes through various vegetation and bodies of water that i can't name because i have no sense of geography whatsoever, a very frail and fastidious male sits down next to me.
as someone with moderate (read: SEVERE) OCD, i recognize the symptoms in my new train partner as he carefully reaches into a very neat and organized briefcase and pulls out three cellophane wrapped parcels. i'm trying to be subtle in my observation which probably meant i was blatantly looking over at him with complete lack of shame and decorum.
fragile and carefully practiced hands begin unwrapping the three cellophane objects, which have been set in a line like tiny little edible soldiers. (NOTE: this site does not by any means condone cannibalism.) he goes from left to right revealing 1) a sandwich cut neatly into (what seem to be) 4 equilateral triangles; 2) a bevy of baby carrots (again, no cannibalism condoning); and 3) a clementine. he then starts to clean the clementine with disposable cleansing wipe, which he whips out of his pocket with all the gusto of a seasoned magician/snake-oil salesman.
this entire time i am doing my best to not laugh, but i really have little control over my face which is laughing quite loudly in my smile. as i attempt to contain my amusement and pretend to read my book he continues to pull out three dark chocolate hershey's kisses... again lining them up all in a row under the previous line of cellophane. clearly this main knows how to maintain aesthetic integrity while on a public train since the deep purple wrappers complement the clementines perfectly.
he then takes a quick look over at me, looking a bit like a bird in his swift angular movement, picks up one of the three purple kisses, and just as swiftly as a pick pocket, puts one in my open jacket pocket with a quick wink.
my first thought: SERIAL KILLER! clearly he has poisoned the kisses and has set a careful trap with all of his pretty OCD edible soldiers. and then i saw that he was waiting for me to eat it. i smiled. waiting for him to eat one first. he winked. and with the most brilliant alacrity, opened one of the 2 remaining deep purple kisses of (presumed) death, popped one in his mouth.
then i realized that statistically, it would be unlikely that i would be sitting next to a serial killer on a train. so, in an attempt to pretend i wasn't waiting for him to go first, i smiled, ate one, laughed out loud and thanked the marry poppins/mr. monk/possible serial killer and went back to my book.
he winked again and went back to pulling things out of his brief case, this time of the non-edible paper work variety, and organizing them accordingly. after he finished that he leaned over a bit, and said out of the corner of his mouth "i always bring along an extra chocolate in case i sit next to a girl with a beautiful smile." i smiled and thanked him as he winked again.
it took all of my self-restraint to NOT say "usually i bring along a small dose of arsenic in case i sit next to a man with a large carbon footprint." or something of the like. fortunately, my usually disabled verbal filter was working. so i simply smiled, thanked him, and got off at my stop.
I miss my type writer
i was told on the train the other day that i should get rid of my typewriter.
clearly, that is not going to happen.
my typewriter is portable... like a laptop.
however, unlike my laptop (yes i do have one... hence why you can read this blog)
my typewriter only crashes if i am holding it and walk into a tree (sadly, this has happened... more than once.)
fine. so i will accept this world of blogging... which is now apparently only a word, on one condition: i am allowed to keep my typewriter.
alright. welcome to my own world of carefully contained chaos. enjoy your stay. please clean up after yourself.
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