since my last visit to disney, apparently they have renamed MGM to "Disney's Hollywood Studios" ... or "DHS". this makes me feel old because i hear "DHS" and i think of "VHS" and how many i still have that, as hard as i try, refuse to go into the DVD slot. there should be a magical converter that i don't have to pay money for. i'm just sayin'. fortunately i didn't have many cassette tapes, otherwise getting music onto my iPod would have been a real issue. comical? probably. painfully awkward? um, all signs point to heck yes.
so, rule one of DHS: wait behind the line until the park opens.
rule two of DHS: wait behind the line until the park opens.
rule three of DHS: wait behind the line until the park opens or mickey will cut you.
rule four of DHS: don't talk about the rules of DHS.
entering the park when it opened was not unlike the running of the bulls in spain... only with more animals and blood, and less courtesy.
the tower of terror was a good time. especially when the cute tower of terror girl is willing to take a picture with you. yes, yes i am a shameless flirt. and no, my mother did not get why i needed a picture with the girl until i said "mom, because she's hot." my mom's response? a very audible sigh with even more audible eye rolling.
the rocking rollercoaster featuring aerosmith was also incredible. until i heard that the music may be replaced with the jonas brothers. i will cut someone if this happens. no. i am not kicking. i will throw down. philly style. well, quaker philly style. but it will involve a "philly what?!?!" which i think will convey my ability to sorry anyone into next week...
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
aug 4th, epcot, anthropology, and real magic
day three: epcot
so as an anthropology major it is sometimes very difficult to function in places like disney and it's various parks. partly because of walt (who came up with disneyland as a result of his father working on the great white city during chicago's world fair... during which america found it's first serial killer in H.H. Holmes... coincidence? definitely. was walt racist and a bit of a nazi? um, yeah. is it hilarious that they have a gay pride parade at disney world ? why yes it is as hilarious as it is AWESOME... incidentally. how in the world did i not know that the absurdity of prop 8 was overruled while i was at disney? there should have been a parade! jane lynch... this is totally on you, sneaky gays. see what happens when you use your power for hilarious evil instead of good? neil patrick harris, pretty sure you're to blame in some part as well. and the entire cast of glee. someone needed to bust open the bubble of disney for this kind of amazing news! dropping the ball people. seriously.
anyway, epcot was very hot and while "soaring" was incredible, spaceship earth did not mention tesla or the fact that the greeks and the catholic church ruined western mathematics by not accepting zero as a number. honestly. edison was an royal jack-in-the-box.
so while i enjoyed the history of dead white men... i guess that's not really that far off since history is a story generally told by the people running the game. so, fine, epcot, well played. well played indeed.
at this point, i was really not thrilled about having anthropological knowledge in my head... please leave so i can enjoy this experience. then was attacked by a small child with sticky fingers that were (hopefully) covered in chocolate.
SERIOUSLY questioning why i have ovaries. they are wasting both our time at this point.
fortunately, the magic of disney was returned when we got back to the hotel to have "high tea"... no really, they actually served it. and we sat next to a magical woman with an incredible story i hope to see either in a book or online at some point soon. she was welsh who recently moved to florida to be near her children. she stopped by the grand floridian to have a spot of tea because she was having a good day. did i mention she recently had chemo and is a breast cancer survivor with the brightest and warmest smile you could ever imagine. i helped her with her bucket list by adding "blogging" to it. i told her that her username should be "awesome lady 007" i'm hoping to see it. so keep your eyes out.
consequently rediscovered magic, childhood, strength and beauty all while having high tea and listening to a character sing "almost there" from the princess and the frog in the background. pretty much perfect right there.
so as an anthropology major it is sometimes very difficult to function in places like disney and it's various parks. partly because of walt (who came up with disneyland as a result of his father working on the great white city during chicago's world fair... during which america found it's first serial killer in H.H. Holmes... coincidence? definitely. was walt racist and a bit of a nazi? um, yeah. is it hilarious that they have a gay pride parade at disney world ? why yes it is as hilarious as it is AWESOME... incidentally. how in the world did i not know that the absurdity of prop 8 was overruled while i was at disney? there should have been a parade! jane lynch... this is totally on you, sneaky gays. see what happens when you use your power for hilarious evil instead of good? neil patrick harris, pretty sure you're to blame in some part as well. and the entire cast of glee. someone needed to bust open the bubble of disney for this kind of amazing news! dropping the ball people. seriously.
anyway, epcot was very hot and while "soaring" was incredible, spaceship earth did not mention tesla or the fact that the greeks and the catholic church ruined western mathematics by not accepting zero as a number. honestly. edison was an royal jack-in-the-box.
so while i enjoyed the history of dead white men... i guess that's not really that far off since history is a story generally told by the people running the game. so, fine, epcot, well played. well played indeed.
at this point, i was really not thrilled about having anthropological knowledge in my head... please leave so i can enjoy this experience. then was attacked by a small child with sticky fingers that were (hopefully) covered in chocolate.
SERIOUSLY questioning why i have ovaries. they are wasting both our time at this point.
fortunately, the magic of disney was returned when we got back to the hotel to have "high tea"... no really, they actually served it. and we sat next to a magical woman with an incredible story i hope to see either in a book or online at some point soon. she was welsh who recently moved to florida to be near her children. she stopped by the grand floridian to have a spot of tea because she was having a good day. did i mention she recently had chemo and is a breast cancer survivor with the brightest and warmest smile you could ever imagine. i helped her with her bucket list by adding "blogging" to it. i told her that her username should be "awesome lady 007" i'm hoping to see it. so keep your eyes out.
consequently rediscovered magic, childhood, strength and beauty all while having high tea and listening to a character sing "almost there" from the princess and the frog in the background. pretty much perfect right there.
No Humidity Left Behind!
no but seriously... none was left behind.
oh hey, i got an idea! let's take the kid who passes out in heat and humidity to florida during an extreme heat wave where normal humidity levels are considered anywhere between 89 and 100%... good call hill. dumbass. in all honesty, this is the type of humidity that could make a steel character's hair in tomorrowland frizz.
so apparently, paper blogging is SO 2003, or something.
so here are some fun notes on disney vacation day 2: the magic kingdom (again.)
where have all the princesses gone? the hardcore ones anyway. sure it was 98 degrees and 87% humidity... but really? suck it up princesses. the characters, as in the fuzzy ones, were all up in our business. and don't even get me started on the princes. more importantly, where was princess tiana and the frog? frogs are common in florida i thought. aren't they into the whole "swamp" thing?
anyway, despite the utter lack of princesses and princes, the magic kingdom retained it's magical status: we followed the book and managed to get on all the great rides... minus "it's a small world" which really was a good thing, because the jingle gets stuck in your head and i'm fairly certain sends subliminal messages in an attempt to engender homicidal tendencies. this probably helps crowd control as well. you know, by killing off a number of tourists, locking up a number of other tourists for murder (mitigating circumstances of insanity, obviously), leaving the rest of us who were smart enough to avoid the sociology experiment to enjoy the magic kingdom. pretty good crowd control i think, actually.
wait a minute, figured out the lack of disney royalty: humidity + hair and makeup = sweaty frizzy unattractiveness. ok. vanity and royalty. makes sense. question as to where the princesses and princes were solved: in the disney spa getting pretty for a ball... somewhere.
incidentally, i found my previously drop-kicked biological clock while in line for "peter pan's flight" when a little girl said she wanted to ride it because she loved the story (literary inclined youth are cute.)
then overheard same child beg to have the princess makeover (which, incidentally, you can have done to your child for $200, no i am not making this up and yes they do become monsters as a result.)
... consequently drop-kicked biological clock... again.
oh hey, i got an idea! let's take the kid who passes out in heat and humidity to florida during an extreme heat wave where normal humidity levels are considered anywhere between 89 and 100%... good call hill. dumbass. in all honesty, this is the type of humidity that could make a steel character's hair in tomorrowland frizz.
so apparently, paper blogging is SO 2003, or something.
so here are some fun notes on disney vacation day 2: the magic kingdom (again.)
where have all the princesses gone? the hardcore ones anyway. sure it was 98 degrees and 87% humidity... but really? suck it up princesses. the characters, as in the fuzzy ones, were all up in our business. and don't even get me started on the princes. more importantly, where was princess tiana and the frog? frogs are common in florida i thought. aren't they into the whole "swamp" thing?
anyway, despite the utter lack of princesses and princes, the magic kingdom retained it's magical status: we followed the book and managed to get on all the great rides... minus "it's a small world" which really was a good thing, because the jingle gets stuck in your head and i'm fairly certain sends subliminal messages in an attempt to engender homicidal tendencies. this probably helps crowd control as well. you know, by killing off a number of tourists, locking up a number of other tourists for murder (mitigating circumstances of insanity, obviously), leaving the rest of us who were smart enough to avoid the sociology experiment to enjoy the magic kingdom. pretty good crowd control i think, actually.
wait a minute, figured out the lack of disney royalty: humidity + hair and makeup = sweaty frizzy unattractiveness. ok. vanity and royalty. makes sense. question as to where the princesses and princes were solved: in the disney spa getting pretty for a ball... somewhere.
incidentally, i found my previously drop-kicked biological clock while in line for "peter pan's flight" when a little girl said she wanted to ride it because she loved the story (literary inclined youth are cute.)
then overheard same child beg to have the princess makeover (which, incidentally, you can have done to your child for $200, no i am not making this up and yes they do become monsters as a result.)
... consequently drop-kicked biological clock... again.
aug 2nd disney trip... day one
having been to disney world many times with my mother and family in general, i have learned one thing: FOLLOW THE BOOK!
"what book?" you may ask.
is it the bible, the koran, something by bill bryson? nope. none of the above.
the aforementioned book is "The Unofficial Guide to Disney."
i have also learned a second thing: NEVER QUESTION THE BOOK!
my mom has no problem rolling with the punches... unless those punches involves disney. then the only punches involved are the ones that will follow if you question THE book.
i can say with unabashed shame that i am a devout follower of the book, since age 9.
it tells you how to maximize your time while minimizing your wait time. basically: it's genius... as long as you actually follow it.
enter problem here...
normally, we plan our vacation time before we get there including which parks at what time on which day. excessive? yes. brilliant? absolutely.
day one: arrive in orlando.
previous plan (in strict accordance to THE book): sit by pool, unpack, eat dinner, drink (not necessarily in that order.)
actual plan: unpacked, hopped on the monorail (seriously, why hasn't the rest of the country caught on to the idea of sky rails? no seattle, i wasn't talking to you... diva.) anyway, i decided i needed my dose of pirates.
WARNING: DEVIATION OF PLAN!!!
so mom, allowing impending doom in order to placate her insane 25 year old daughter, agreed to go at a time when THE book told the reader "bad idea. seriously."
while in line for the ride... we realized we were packed between an indian family of 5 aft side and a brit family of 4 bow side.
it took a good amoung of self-restraint to refrain from using an eddie izzard joke... but i did.
in conclusion: after watching small children attempting to climb through bars to get INTO faux 17th/18th century prisons, running in a continual horizontal pattern between the prison-chic walls like a ping pong ball on crack, culminating with an attempt to scale the walls that were labeled with signs (and common sense) that read "please keep children close and refrain from touching/walking on displays and walls" ... and then remembering i was TOTALLY that kid... i am quite certain i am NEVER having children. EVER.
basically, i drop-kicked my biological clock in the pirate waters of adventure land.
"what book?" you may ask.
is it the bible, the koran, something by bill bryson? nope. none of the above.
the aforementioned book is "The Unofficial Guide to Disney."
i have also learned a second thing: NEVER QUESTION THE BOOK!
my mom has no problem rolling with the punches... unless those punches involves disney. then the only punches involved are the ones that will follow if you question THE book.
i can say with unabashed shame that i am a devout follower of the book, since age 9.
it tells you how to maximize your time while minimizing your wait time. basically: it's genius... as long as you actually follow it.
enter problem here...
normally, we plan our vacation time before we get there including which parks at what time on which day. excessive? yes. brilliant? absolutely.
day one: arrive in orlando.
previous plan (in strict accordance to THE book): sit by pool, unpack, eat dinner, drink (not necessarily in that order.)
actual plan: unpacked, hopped on the monorail (seriously, why hasn't the rest of the country caught on to the idea of sky rails? no seattle, i wasn't talking to you... diva.) anyway, i decided i needed my dose of pirates.
WARNING: DEVIATION OF PLAN!!!
so mom, allowing impending doom in order to placate her insane 25 year old daughter, agreed to go at a time when THE book told the reader "bad idea. seriously."
while in line for the ride...
it took a good amoung of self-restraint to refrain from using an eddie izzard joke... but i did.
in conclusion: after watching small children attempting to climb through bars to get INTO faux 17th/18th century prisons, running in a continual horizontal pattern between the prison-chic walls like a ping pong ball on crack, culminating with an attempt to scale the walls that were labeled with signs (and common sense) that read "please keep children close and refrain from touching/walking on displays and walls" ... and then remembering i was TOTALLY that kid... i am quite certain i am NEVER having children. EVER.
basically, i drop-kicked my biological clock in the pirate waters of adventure land.
sorry for the delay
so i have been doing this new crazy thing called "paper blogging."
yes that means writing things down on paper.
now my mother is on my case... so let the blogging... on the blog... begin!
yes that means writing things down on paper.
now my mother is on my case... so let the blogging... on the blog... begin!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
i don't trust anything that can bleed for 7 days without dying...
yeah, i don't either. especially when it's 14 days of bleeding without dying.
dear body,
this situation is not working for me. i expect to be payed overtime. i accept checks. just make it out to me for services of being "freaking awesome."
seriously though, 2 weeks? in case you were testing anemic levels... they're totally normal.
better luck next time sucka!
ok but really. this whole bleeding thing, not cool. not cool at all.
fix it. or i will be forced to call in the troops. who are theses aforementioned "troops" you may ask? let's just say i've been reading up on "the art of war." should you be afraid? yup. should i be concerned that i'm detaching myself from my body? probably. will i bring it on hard core anyway? absolutely. does that make me awesome? i think so.
sincerely,
your mind
(you know, that part of you that controls stuff? yeah, that part.)
dear body,
this situation is not working for me. i expect to be payed overtime. i accept checks. just make it out to me for services of being "freaking awesome."
seriously though, 2 weeks? in case you were testing anemic levels... they're totally normal.
better luck next time sucka!
ok but really. this whole bleeding thing, not cool. not cool at all.
fix it. or i will be forced to call in the troops. who are theses aforementioned "troops" you may ask? let's just say i've been reading up on "the art of war." should you be afraid? yup. should i be concerned that i'm detaching myself from my body? probably. will i bring it on hard core anyway? absolutely. does that make me awesome? i think so.
sincerely,
your mind
(you know, that part of you that controls stuff? yeah, that part.)
it is 4:12am eastern standard time... and i am awake
i am convinced that my sleep is dependent on my brain shutting up.
apparently today/yesterday, my brain is running quite an impressive monologue.
really?!? really, brain? NOW is the time you wish to be active?
you refuse to be active when i am calculating, job searching, attempting to be productive, or generally attempting to be a productive member of society.
note to self: work night shifts.
second note to self: terrible idea. night shifts are for doctors, retailers, truckers, and various other things that i should not be doing
really self?
third note to self: stop listening to your notes to self. you give yourself terrible advice... wait, that was a note... can it be trusted?
can one be a vampire for hire without being aggressively misogynistic, mormon, or consuming human blood? cause i think i could do that.
i'm packing and heading to disneyworld on monday. perhaps the cute ad with the little kids, specifically the little boy saying in a tone that could be compared to that of a fog horn in it's intonations: "but we're too excited to SLEEP."
apparently today/yesterday, my brain is running quite an impressive monologue.
really?!? really, brain? NOW is the time you wish to be active?
you refuse to be active when i am calculating, job searching, attempting to be productive, or generally attempting to be a productive member of society.
note to self: work night shifts.
second note to self: terrible idea. night shifts are for doctors, retailers, truckers, and various other things that i should not be doing
really self?
third note to self: stop listening to your notes to self. you give yourself terrible advice... wait, that was a note... can it be trusted?
can one be a vampire for hire without being aggressively misogynistic, mormon, or consuming human blood? cause i think i could do that.
i'm packing and heading to disneyworld on monday. perhaps the cute ad with the little kids, specifically the little boy saying in a tone that could be compared to that of a fog horn in it's intonations: "but we're too excited to SLEEP."
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